For most people it was a defining day in their lives; for me it was Saturday
In the past week, I have lost my job, my passion for school, and my boyfriend.
7 days. In a week my whole world has quite literally come crashing down around me.
But I am at Weldon blogging about it. I should be in bed, crying or watching Pretty Woman with a tub of vanilla ice cream. But I am at Weldon, blogging. Is there something wrong with me? or am I really broken on the inside, writing this blog to tell the world 'can't nobody hold me down' to keep up appearecnes.
I guess the post modernity of the whole thing is gross or at least I think it is. However as I've said before, I don't really give a fuck. This is cathathic for me. I can get all my thouhgts down and move on. And why the eff not?
I feel deflated. I put my everything into last nite. I gelled my hair. I never gel my hair. I looked good. But apparently not good enough. If anything good came out of last nite it was a lesson in taking a hint. Lord have mercy the child was dropping hints as big as a house yesterday, and yet I stood there waiting for him to see me. He look right through me. Even my signature brand of in your face 'please love me' techniques were too weak for the will of mind and determination he had. totally deflated, I walked home by myself.
Its an ego thing, I realize this. Its also a complex issue that I wish i didnt have to deal with. Its about self worth and stability of mind. Its about acceptance of myself, of others. Its about everything and nothing.
I would rather have this be a blueprint for the future than it be a detailed analysis of what went wrong. Its goes back to stability of mind. hind sight is 20/20 is such a cop out. I look back and I wouldn't have done anything differently. thats how i roll, absolutely no fucking regrets.
I am going to start researching this essay, I am going to write it. I am going to study for my exams, I am going to write them, go home, have a fabulous christmas with the people who love me and come back to this fucing black hole in january ready and raring to ride this mighty mustang through to the end.
Out of the ashes the phenox raises, right? or something retarded like that.
7 weeks, RS, ain't nothing to shake a stick at. Thank you for everything, and I wish you nothing but success and happiness in whatever you do. Is this a definative end? hells no, I can't predict the future. You just screwed yourself out of a great xmas/bday present thats all. Maybe next year.
I feel better.
7 days. In a week my whole world has quite literally come crashing down around me.
But I am at Weldon blogging about it. I should be in bed, crying or watching Pretty Woman with a tub of vanilla ice cream. But I am at Weldon, blogging. Is there something wrong with me? or am I really broken on the inside, writing this blog to tell the world 'can't nobody hold me down' to keep up appearecnes.
I guess the post modernity of the whole thing is gross or at least I think it is. However as I've said before, I don't really give a fuck. This is cathathic for me. I can get all my thouhgts down and move on. And why the eff not?
I feel deflated. I put my everything into last nite. I gelled my hair. I never gel my hair. I looked good. But apparently not good enough. If anything good came out of last nite it was a lesson in taking a hint. Lord have mercy the child was dropping hints as big as a house yesterday, and yet I stood there waiting for him to see me. He look right through me. Even my signature brand of in your face 'please love me' techniques were too weak for the will of mind and determination he had. totally deflated, I walked home by myself.
Its an ego thing, I realize this. Its also a complex issue that I wish i didnt have to deal with. Its about self worth and stability of mind. Its about acceptance of myself, of others. Its about everything and nothing.
I would rather have this be a blueprint for the future than it be a detailed analysis of what went wrong. Its goes back to stability of mind. hind sight is 20/20 is such a cop out. I look back and I wouldn't have done anything differently. thats how i roll, absolutely no fucking regrets.
I am going to start researching this essay, I am going to write it. I am going to study for my exams, I am going to write them, go home, have a fabulous christmas with the people who love me and come back to this fucing black hole in january ready and raring to ride this mighty mustang through to the end.
Out of the ashes the phenox raises, right? or something retarded like that.
7 weeks, RS, ain't nothing to shake a stick at. Thank you for everything, and I wish you nothing but success and happiness in whatever you do. Is this a definative end? hells no, I can't predict the future. You just screwed yourself out of a great xmas/bday present thats all. Maybe next year.
I feel better.
posted by sg/20something/male at 2:56 PM
4 Comments:
<3
come home and i'll love you up baby. im proud of you for being so strong *hugs*
hi will.
i got here thru lauras blog.
i have your calculator.
options for return:
i can:
drop it off
hold on to it for now
mail it
thanks again, chances are i failed that exam, but the calculator made that failure less insultingly extreme
oh i just realized it is only christmas break, not summer. what is wrong with me?
maybe it makes sense to hold on to it and give it back in 204, on the first monday back.
Post a Comment
<< Home