Things begin to look up...

...knock on wood.
I got a job yesterday. Thank you cell phone. Even though I hate your guts without you I'd be unemployed. Its minimum wage, but thats better than nothing at this point. And I ready to work. I think. I am tired. I am really fucking tired.
I gave up my 'test of will power'. I went for exactly four full weeks before I had my first drink, and I only had one beer. And it was great. That was on Saturday. Last night however I decided I needed to get RIPPED before the Metric show on campus. So during the break of my MIT class me a Spence, shotgunned a beer in some bushes. It took the edge off of the 2nd hour of the class. after we went over to the crackhouse and I literally pounded four more tall boys and by the time I got to the wave I was stuggling not to puke on the bouncer so I could get in. I got in but I spent more on Jason Collett in the washroom, just in case you know. I was pretty close, but I kept it down.
The show was fucking awesome. They played a lot of their new stuff, but hey the album just came out yesterday and a indie band needs to promote promote promote. They played sucsexy, and combat baby and dead disco was their encore. they also played that 'now that your wallet is all lit up' which is such a good song. I gave it 10 last night so I'm gonna have to stick with that.

what else. The job was key. I finally got my OSAP which was also key. I sorta found somebody. He's not boyfriend material but he wants to fool around so thats good enough for me right now. we have yet to meet, but the time is coming soon. Fuck I'm gonna try and set it up for tmw or friday, but i'm pretty much waiting on him. he's never online to talk to and i gave him my cell # but he hasnt called. I donno. I'm hoping this won't fuck up.

I just wanted to update this thing. there's no reason not to right? I won't talk about school because it's pretty dissappointing right now. In addition that my business plans are sorta kinda maybe coming together. But I am either too scared or to busy to go after it. There is the perfect spot for my bar. I have to call the real estate guy and look for someone who can front me the cash for it. And in the mean time me and some ppl have decided that we are going to throw private keggers. its a long complicated idea but we sold ourselves on it so we think we can sell it to other ppl. But I cant get my shit together to figure out the logistics. I plan to use friday to do that, but.. no i will do it friday. ok there. lol
I should go back to the homework I wasn't doing.

Mind over matter

My first post in a while. And it has been a long while. I want to begin with a mission statement. I am turning a new page in my life this year.
Cliche eh? Well I can't help it, the page started turning without me even really trying. The past few weeks have been a really trying time and I am trying to build inner strength by not letting things get to me and by get to me I mean stop me from being the best that I can be. That is bacially what I have resolved to do, get more out myself. And thus I am not drinking. I know i said last time that I would be sober but that just isn't plausable for me right now. Getting high keeps me grounded. The drinking or not drinking as the case is, isn't THAT hard. It has been pretty trying I'm not going to lie. However this Saturday will be 3 weeks and I figure 3 weeks is 7 days away from a month, and a month is a long time. 6 is just a really long time, but I'm pretty much over it. Pretty much.
See mind over matter. I am trying to conqour my world one small vice at a time.
What my mind is still struggling over is my relationship with people. I am back in London away from all of my friends and while it was fucking fantastic to see everyone again, it just isn't the same. And yesterday I blocked and deleted John because I am so fucking sick of his attitude that i don't want anything to do with him anymore. We are just in two different points in our lives and I guess you could saw we are better off without. But see thats where my heart starts to hurt. When i start losing friends back home and I'm here pretty much by myself, what do I do? I need to find a boyfriend.... I've written before haven't I?
I was in the gym today and as I half assed my way through my routine, my thought about how I don't even have a work out partner. Why is that? I am really just that anti-social. I really don't want to believe that, but fuck, I went a party last nite and didn't meet any new people. Why?
I think it's because I've always been a really self conscious person and I would rather be alone than with people who are jsut being nice. And thus my small circle of friends. I don't know. As i reached down to pick up my weights to start another set, I said to myself mind over matter. I am not going to let this shit bother me anymore. I am not going to let Telus bother me. I am not going to get Ikea bother me. Mind over matter. I can do it.

Me, Myself and I
Is all I got in the end
thats what I found out
and there ain't no need to cry
cause I took a vow that from now on
I'ma be my own best friend

Whats really good?

Life is funny. I have a friend, lets call her, Jen. Jen is a girl that I met in high school and we hit it off right away. Of course it didn't take long, aprox. a week, before we hated each other's guts. Time passed and we became really good friends. Really, really good friends. I called her my other half at times. High school has since finished and we have remained friends. but it has been a fucking struggle. I have never, ever put as much into a relationship, than I have with jen. But I enjoy jen's company and so I will wait hours for her. But I have just about had enough.
I don't know what to do or to say. She was supposed to go to this party with me that we both didn't want to go to, because well its my last weekend in toronto and the party was for a friend who we both used to be close to. well the bitch calls me today to say shes skipping town with her boyfriend to go to the cottage. No, how it actually went was her boyfriend messaged me on msn to tell me to call her, so she could tell me that they were ditching me.
What is really fucking good? huh? like fucking honestly. I am was fucking enraged. who the fuck are these I thought they my friends like fucking really. What do call people like this. I want to say jerks. but no its more self involved, pieces of shit. Like fuckign really. and the boyfriend, lets call him, john, he can fucking go kill himself. I really and trully just want to dump their motherfucking just like they dump me. It like, you have no idea how mad i am really. really. REALLY!!!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
What do I do? I dont want to cut them off completely, because fuck I like them, but i can't take shit. like, what do i do? I want to just put them on the back burner and like if i run into at some function which they wont come to because they're too good, then so be it, but as for us being friends, i think thats over really. I think that we have moved past friends into the realm of...chums? I don't know. But I do know this, things will never be the same again.
fuckers.