Calmer, for now

Oh what a difference a whole two days off can make on your soul. Tuesday I couldn't bitch enough about my job. I got to see all my girls that I never see anymore, and bitched and bitched and bitched. And they in turn bitched and bitched and bitched. It was quite catharthic. Or maybe it was all the pot we smoked that day. We went down to the hotbox again and smoked our faces off and then went to Lauren's friend Kat's house, and smoked more. We gave our ever so high, well low, opinions of the this season installment of Canadian Idol. I feel bad for the kids sometimes, but then I remember that people talk that much shit about them all the time, so coming from a judge can't be that bad.
I just about forgot why I started the post. Monday while I was at work, trying to survive off four hours sleep, my chef Derrek goes, "So you coming to chef's tonite?" "I wasn't invited." I shoot out angrily. "Everyones invited." I hate that. Oh really, why would want to go to party that so non exclusive I'm invited. You know. Anyways so even though I got off work at 5 and people weren't heading over till midnight, I shuttled my ass downtown and waited at the resturant for Nola to get off so we could go over together.
Motherfucking chef lives in the condos just south of his damn resturant on John st. We get up to his apt. and it was really one of those concrete boxes in the sky you hear about. the most bland and boring and small box, that you cost him something like $300k. Inside his girlfriend is entertainting her friends and out of the balcony chef and the rest of the staff are partying. Everyone was drunk and stupid. We were on the third floor and they were spitting on ppl. I just shook my head. Anyways we were only there for like half an hour before we got kicked out. But that wasn't the end of the nite by far.
We went to this little bar on Spadina called Wide Open, which is by far one of the coolest bars I've ever been to. It is an allyway with a roof on it. And it's got art inside and t.v.s but it can't be wider than like 5,6ft. cheap beers and a good looking crowd. Bartender was HOTT. After that we went to Horseshoe which is cool too. Anyways the whole point is I got to hear the staff's stories. 26 and got and ex wife. 27 with a kid and used to run the coke scene in Brampton. And now they are aprentise chefs. nice. Thank god I stayed on some kind of path. I don't know hearing their stories calmed me down. It sort of humanizes the resturant. Still doesn't change the fact that i'm their bitch, but I believe I will get over it. Truly. Fuck I'm so comfortable in shit I want to open a cleaning business when i get back to skool. I'm not gonna put the name on here just in case anyone gets any bright ideas, but i think it will be good. Hooray for positive thoughts.
I gotta go get ready to go work. I'm fighting the dreed but it's exhusting. But remember Will, you're bigger than all of this. 8 weeks from now what the fuck are u going to do?

Quick!

Ok so,
I'm a dishwasher. What? I was selling natural gas door to door! it wasn't working and it wasn't worth it to see if it might turn around. I had my mind turned against it anyways.

I hate washing dishes. I hate the chef. I hate the Sri Lankan guy I work with. I hate the fact that there are 12 resturants on the street and we all share the same water line so the pressure and temp is all fuct up. I HATE IT WITH ALL MY HEART.
But I'm determined. I'm motivated. I need to make $5,600 in the next 10 weeks and I think I can do it... the # is actually something like $6,500 counting the $750 visa bill I'm dealing with and the concerts I have yet to buy tickets to. I owe Steph $10 from a jazz show we went to ... a couple nites ago, I think it was Tuesday. It was campy and the place was small and packed but I liked it. It was def good times.
Before that we, me Steph and Lea, went to see 52 pick up play at the elmo. Jesus, I said, Illict should have broken up... The band that was headlining the show, ashes of soma, were really good, I'm glad I saw them too. I'm also goin to make note of fore barrel.. i think thats what they're called. the front man was sooo hott!! but he ruined it with a hoop nose ring. i guess he needed to prove to himself that he was hardcore... whatever that means. They were good too, just need some serious polishing thought.
Upcoming, if my stupid work doesn't interfere. I want to go see the b-girlz tmw nite. My favorite ever drag troupe... Well the only one I know but they're fucking great [they have a special place in my heart but i'll tell that story later]
after that next week is pride week, I hope to get a lot of ass, but again that depends on work... and sunday is the parade which i'm skipping to go see modest mouse and broken social scene. Its gonna be a, in the words of julia, brilliant. but i'll hit church after, the party will still be goin on. anyways, i gotta run to work. big worst... till next week

Hitting the bricks

so yeah, I quit the fencing job. It was hard. I went into work at 6:45 am [late btw] and the fuckers weren't there. Not 24 hours before i told my boss, I NEED TO BE WORKING 5 DAYS A WEEK. oh dont worry about it, he said, I've got work. humf.
so when, my buddy's gf called me from my boss' phone later that morning i told them to fuck themselves. actually i said tell him i'm looking for another job.
fuming, i picked up an employment paper and called the first thing that didn't look too hard/i didn't really need any skill and called. 24 hours after that i'm in a seminar room with a loud italian lady telling me i can make $1000/wk signing people up for fixed price natural gas. yeah.

well this should be interesting.

jesus its hot

i woke up this morning damp with my own sweat and thought, jesus its hot. its not the first time this.. season i've woken up wet... i find it overwhelmingly gross that my apt. is so hot but theres really not much i can do about it...
it makes you wondeer just how much stuff you do have control over in your life. right now i'm in a huge debate with myself, because i have a job, but i wouldnt really call it a job. i'm hired help and i have no problem with that but the work is anything but consistant. i show up for work everyday but only work about 50% of the time. Now this is maddening as hell since i know that there is work to be done everyday and that the fault falls solely on the head of my lazy ass boss.. Come yesterday a buddy of mine [ not really a buddy. we were good mates when we were younger. i moved, re-met him in highschool where he was a total... nerd. anyways hes sexier now than then so i'm really inclined...] offered me work. i think it pays about the same and the work sounds a bit harder... but really its consistant work. and the longer i wait to see if my first job works out the less chance i will have of taking the spot in my buddy's company... [there are other issues that i wont get into but i think its pretty complicated]
what do i do? it would appear that i am in total control of the situation, i can choose my destiny, but i feel i'm fuct if i do, fuct if i don't, ya know?



ANYWAYS i did plan to use this medium to remember events in my life... so may2-4 wknd, i went to muskoka for two days with mike szudy. it was good times but it was really..weird.. not really but i expected... well i expected nothing less really. it was probably the most beautiful cottage country i've ever been to. i cant even pinpoint what made it so nice. i kept telling myself it was the sky. the sky just had thisemcompassing quality. it sort of connceted us all.. whatever that means. I remember the first nite we got there we were staying in the boat house [yeah the property we were staying on had 5 building...very muskoka] and it had to be about midnight-ish and the huge window in the room looked out onto the lake. the view was a-fucking-mazing. the moon was glistening off the water as it lapped gentilly against the shore. i almost orgasimed on myself.
FYI the beer store and LCBO close at 4 pm on sundays there, just in case.
and brown people are not allowed. this was the whitest place i have seen in a long time. but not only are people of colour not present it really is anyone who is not a desendent of the UK. a lot of O's a lot of Mc's and Mac's. didn't see a ski or even a berg for matter on any of the sign posts... stupid white people... i'll invade your space dont doubt that for a second.


last wknd i went to 5ive for the first time in [jeez] like a year at least. they renovated. yeah. 5ive wasn't grimy or anything before. if anything it was more of the gay club image that i had but the update isnt a bad thing. issues to note that are jading me futher. bisexuals hooking -FUCKERS THATS THE SAME AS STRAIGHT HOOKING UP GET THE FUCK OUT. the i'm not that hot/i'm too hot mentality- what's really good. i see guys that i'm like 'omg! so hott... i can't go over there, outta my league' or the bi fuckers that walk by me with they're ultra huge shoulders and brooding str8boy goodlooks too hott to give me afirst glance let alone a second. *shakes head* i think the next time i go i'm goin to get trashed and barf on one of them... [chuckles to self] THAT would be great.

tonite is tequlia nite... oh god...
jesus its hott