Good bye 2005, I've grown a lot thanks

Now I don't want to get into a retrospective or anything its just that I don't think I will get a chance to write another blog before 2006, so here it is.
I have learned to be a little more thankful.
I have learned to act more my age.
I have learned that I can quit smoking.
I have leanred that your friends are ever changing, except the ones that matter, so never forget them, they're the most important.
I have learned that 'relationships' are weird.
I have learned that you should accpet people wiht their shortcomings, because they accpet you for yours.
I have learned that even thought things don't work out in my favor, its all for the best.

I have learned that if I don't believe in that last one, I am doomed.

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Just for the record I am apologizing for calling out my boy RS. He didn't deserve it, but I am a bitch so get over it. I try and keep that shit to a minimum. sorry, sorry, sorry.
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I hope you all are ready for will to bring the pain in 2006. its going to be crazy.
[stupid car company had to go and steal a prefectly good closing line, oh well]
Expect the unexpected

For most people it was a defining day in their lives; for me it was Saturday

In the past week, I have lost my job, my passion for school, and my boyfriend.
7 days. In a week my whole world has quite literally come crashing down around me.
But I am at Weldon blogging about it. I should be in bed, crying or watching Pretty Woman with a tub of vanilla ice cream. But I am at Weldon, blogging. Is there something wrong with me? or am I really broken on the inside, writing this blog to tell the world 'can't nobody hold me down' to keep up appearecnes.
I guess the post modernity of the whole thing is gross or at least I think it is. However as I've said before, I don't really give a fuck. This is cathathic for me. I can get all my thouhgts down and move on. And why the eff not?
I feel deflated. I put my everything into last nite. I gelled my hair. I never gel my hair. I looked good. But apparently not good enough. If anything good came out of last nite it was a lesson in taking a hint. Lord have mercy the child was dropping hints as big as a house yesterday, and yet I stood there waiting for him to see me. He look right through me. Even my signature brand of in your face 'please love me' techniques were too weak for the will of mind and determination he had. totally deflated, I walked home by myself.
Its an ego thing, I realize this. Its also a complex issue that I wish i didnt have to deal with. Its about self worth and stability of mind. Its about acceptance of myself, of others. Its about everything and nothing.
I would rather have this be a blueprint for the future than it be a detailed analysis of what went wrong. Its goes back to stability of mind. hind sight is 20/20 is such a cop out. I look back and I wouldn't have done anything differently. thats how i roll, absolutely no fucking regrets.
I am going to start researching this essay, I am going to write it. I am going to study for my exams, I am going to write them, go home, have a fabulous christmas with the people who love me and come back to this fucing black hole in january ready and raring to ride this mighty mustang through to the end.
Out of the ashes the phenox raises, right? or something retarded like that.
7 weeks, RS, ain't nothing to shake a stick at. Thank you for everything, and I wish you nothing but success and happiness in whatever you do. Is this a definative end? hells no, I can't predict the future. You just screwed yourself out of a great xmas/bday present thats all. Maybe next year.
I feel better.