Remind me to figure out if .....

This is going to be an on going list but the first item on it will be
1. If/how to delete a posting.....

My last day as a bum

The only reason I'm blogging today is because, well because I can.
I'm not sure that I find it satisfying persay, but I like blogging. I like the whole thing. Except.
Except that I am always inclined to bitch. Not about anything important, just bitching because that seems to be what I'm good at. (I'm listening 'defying gravity' from the wicked soundtrack, thats why I sound a little disjointed)
It has been nearly a month since I finished my first year of university, and for that entire time i have been sitting on my ass. Like a bum. I'm living the lifestyle of people I used to think I was better than (I still think I'm better than most of the people I'm thinking about it's just that I can't really belittle them, well because I am them now). Anyways I realized just how much I value work. Working, for as much as I will bitch about it once I start, is all that I want to do, once I've seen just to what extend one can waste time. My motto has always been time is money, if you're not making it you're spending it. But then ( as i was saying last night) I think, really?
I get/am very upset with this whole unemployment situation.
[ an hour or so passes]
So i was catching up with an old high school friend, made plans for the night and god knows whatelse. I love the summer.

I found my blog! I win!

I find myself saying that a lot nowadays. "I win!"
Thing is I'm not really winning anything. I'm completling everyday tasks. Like figuring out the username i created to create this blog. I feel victorious because I followed a couple links and got it emailed to me. On further reflection its a little sad.
But see thats the problem, the entire duality of it all. I can see it as a sad fact that I can't remember the user name i created for a blog I was oh so excited about not 3 weeks ago, or I can see it as a victory, that the internet worked with me [rather than against, oh databases how I hate you] to keep me connected to this poorly written blog.
Everything in my life is like that. Life in general. Its all preception, mentality, what you make of it. Reader responce. or response. Who cares.
Ah ha! and there it is, the demon of all demon. Complacency. I am not motivated enough to go to dictionary.com to find out what the real spelling of that word is, however should I come across it in the next god knows how long before it slips my mind, I'll make a mental note of it and call it victory for lazy spellers everywhere.
And thats what complaceny is right? Laziness? Its hard, at least for me right now, to classify it as anything else. Self betterment is hahaHARD take it from a smoker. I really (REALLY DON'T) want to quit. [?]
Thats how the thought was in my head. I am willed by the part of me that wants to live to at least consider quitting every now and then. But that voice is very quickly squashed as soon as the sentence forms itself in my conscious mind.
I see it most of the time a stuggle between long and short term effects. I tend to value short term pleasures. I give into them a lot. I was this <-> close to dropping acid today. And now I'm regretting not taking the chance. Buddy said he'll be getting more Friday, but the kid's a flake and I may have missed my boat. A girl he was with said she could see kelidascopes. Wow.
So I have difined the problem with my life. With life in general. Now what?
I guess this is where I make a bold completely impossilbe proclimation that I hope I remember once Friday comes along. To clean up my act, to live my life to its fullest potential and blah blah blah. But fuck it, I'm tired. I'll try again later today, when I'm not working, again. Jesus Lou, all I want to do is work.
And Will, take some fucking pride in what you write and make sure all your sentences contain all the words they need to be considered, not shit. If you don't do it for you, do it for me. Thnx